I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
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I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
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After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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