I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
