she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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