Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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