Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
