weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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