Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
