Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.