Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.