so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
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It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
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Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.