are you still at the devil's house?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though