I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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