Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
