Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
