so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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