Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
