Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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