He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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