If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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