My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
