Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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