Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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