I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
