first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
