I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
