i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
