I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
