its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
