you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
