do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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