spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
