Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
