He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
accomplished twins. life is a go
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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