I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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