hotel room ftw
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
