Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
