Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
