dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
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just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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