Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
two words: eviction party
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
