dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
