when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Randomize
