i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
