I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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