I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
