I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
