Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
