Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
