y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
