I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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