a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
