Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
