Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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