Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
