the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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