If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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