i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i think i just lost a toe
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
