Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
