At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
His nipple licking is glorious
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