need another drink. this is the easiest way
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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