I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Cover your peen. We're going out.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
