you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize