i just had sex bonerless
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
