the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
