dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
