DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
