if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
